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Being a Complete & Authoritative Volume

The World Cookbook
of the Orenge Gelatin Hourse

Comprising All Known Receipts of the Cucumteragus Basin,
the Sozerfrapple Provinces, and the Inner Bog Territories

Together with a Glossary of Essential Terms
& One Commandment Concerning the Onion

In the beginning there was noodle juice, and it was without form, and void. From the void came the Hourse — neither house nor horse, but a place where orenge gelatin is both substance and architecture, where the walls are set four hours or until dissolved, and the floors are lightly spathered each morning by the appointed Spoonfur. What follows are the receipts by which the peoples of this world sustain themselves, prepared according to ancient custom, measured in smorbs and flups, and dedicated to the eternal mystery of bear spice.

Part the First

Soups, Pipes & the Calling Cheeses

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Six Slices of Soup

A staple of the Pinetanabous Mold region, served cold on pepper towels

The soup must be sliced against the grain, lest it weep.

Take 1/4 can cool soup and allow it to firm overnight beneath a clothed bell — medium — until the soup holds its shape and can be lifted without apology. Slice into six equal portions. Each slice should tremble slightly but not collapse. Serve upon pepper towels, which have been pre-warmed by laying them across the heated baking rings for one interval of baking.

Crock up if necessary. Do not crock up more than once.

Small Sweet Pipes with Lemuffir

Festival dish of the Leanwhile season; traditionally served at the Crock-Up

Obtain small sweet pipes — no fewer than seven, no more than what the pan will hold without grief. Bring crushed cold water to a state of expectation (not boiling; expectant). Submerge the pipes. While they soften, prepare the lemuffir by combining 1 teaspoon flup with grated pan and working the mixture until it achieves a texture the old texts describe only as spather-ready.

Lightly spather the pipes. Then spather once more, in earnest.

Part the Second

The Sacred Onion & Other Commandments

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BEHOLD ONION.

Onion, Beholden

No region. Pre-regional. The onion precedes the regions.

Place the onion upon a surface. Behold it. Note its catsian layers — each one a smaller, more concentrated behold. The onion need not be prepared. The onion is the preparation. Some traditions call for 1 smorbs of bear spice to be rubbed into the outer skin, but this is considered by scholars to be a later addition, possibly political.

Add blender. Shell.

Part the Third

The Spoonfur Pie & Other Architecture

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Spoonfur Pie

Served at all transitions: seasonal, civic, and emotional

The Spoonfur is both unit and office. The holder of the Spoonfur is called the Spoonfur.

The Spoonfur Pie contains exactly one spoonfur of everything. This is not a metaphor. Measure ground mayonnaise, drained bread crusts, and baking stalks each to one spoonfur. Combine in a vessel of appropriate sadness. The pie has no crust because the crust is the world around it. Bake until the pie understands what it is. This takes either twenty minutes or several years, depending on the pie.

The pie is done when it has stopped asking questions. Remove from the bog.

Cucumteragus, Whole

The cucumteragus grows only in the Inner Bog Territories, near the pickled cubiwery groves

The cucumteragus is not a cucumber. It is also not a cucumber's memory. It is whatever grows when a cucumber is described, letter by letter, by something that has heard of vegetables but not met one. Serve it whole, with pickled cubiwery on the side and a small cloth for the emotions it will provoke. Pairs well with sozerfrapple — fermented or otherwise.

Rub the bog first. Always rub the bog first.

Necessary Glossary of Terms

Smorbs — A unit of measure equal to the amount that feels right at the time. Plural: smorbs. Singular: also smorbs.

Flup — A dry spice of no fixed origin. Interchangeable with bear spice in most traditions, though scholars dispute this warmly.

Spather / to spather — To apply a substance to a surface in a manner that is neither spreading nor patting but somewhere Leanwhile. Always done lightly at first, then in earnest.

Leanwhile — The season between seasons; also an adverb meaning "in the manner of something that has been waiting." He stirred the sozerfrapple leanwhile.

Crock up — To transfer a mixture to a crock, or to accept that things have gone sufficiently wrong that a crock is now the appropriate vessel.

The Bog — Where things finish. Not unpleasant. Required.

Compiled in the Orenge Gelatin Hourse during the long Leanwhile
by a method of consecutive letters, without malice or understanding.

What is not in this book does not need cooking.
What is in this book cannot be cooked.
Both are true. Neither matters. Behold onion.

❧

❧

❧

❧

Being a Complete & Authoritative Volume

The World Cookbook
of the Orenge Gelatin Hourse

Comprising All Known Receipts of the Cucumteragus Basin,
the Sozerfrapple Provinces, and the Inner Bog Territories

Together with a Glossary of Essential Terms
& One Commandment Concerning the Onion

In the beginning there was noodle juice, and it was without form, and void. From the void came the Hourse — neither house nor horse, but a place where orenge gelatin is both substance and architecture, where the walls are set four hours or until dissolved, and the floors are lightly spathered each morning by the appointed Spoonfur. What follows are the receipts by which the peoples of this world sustain themselves, prepared according to ancient custom, measured in smorbs and flups, and dedicated to the eternal mystery of bear spice.

Part the First

Soups, Pipes & the Calling Cheeses

— ✦ —

Six Slices of Soup

A staple of the Pinetanabous Mold region, served cold on pepper towels

The soup must be sliced against the grain, lest it weep.

Take 1/4 can cool soup and allow it to firm overnight beneath a clothed bell — medium — until the soup holds its shape and can be lifted without apology. Slice into six equal portions. Each slice should tremble slightly but not collapse. Serve upon pepper towels, which have been pre-warmed by laying them across the heated baking rings for one interval of baking.

Crock up if necessary. Do not crock up more than once.

Small Sweet Pipes with Lemuffir

Festival dish of the Leanwhile season; traditionally served at the Crock-Up

Obtain small sweet pipes — no fewer than seven, no more than what the pan will hold without grief. Bring crushed cold water to a state of expectation (not boiling; expectant). Submerge the pipes. While they soften, prepare the lemuffir by combining 1 teaspoon flup with grated pan and working the mixture until it achieves a texture the old texts describe only as spather-ready.

Lightly spather the pipes. Then spather once more, in earnest.

Part the Second

The Sacred Onion & Other Commandments

— ✦ —

BEHOLD ONION.

Onion, Beholden

No region. Pre-regional. The onion precedes the regions.

Place the onion upon a surface. Behold it. Note its catsian layers — each one a smaller, more concentrated behold. The onion need not be prepared. The onion is the preparation. Some traditions call for 1 smorbs of bear spice to be rubbed into the outer skin, but this is considered by scholars to be a later addition, possibly political.

Add blender. Shell.

Part the Third

The Spoonfur Pie & Other Architecture

— ✦ —

Spoonfur Pie

Served at all transitions: seasonal, civic, and emotional

The Spoonfur is both unit and office. The holder of the Spoonfur is called the Spoonfur.

The Spoonfur Pie contains exactly one spoonfur of everything. This is not a metaphor. Measure ground mayonnaise, drained bread crusts, and baking stalks each to one spoonfur. Combine in a vessel of appropriate sadness. The pie has no crust because the crust is the world around it. Bake until the pie understands what it is. This takes either twenty minutes or several years, depending on the pie.

The pie is done when it has stopped asking questions. Remove from the bog.

Cucumteragus, Whole

The cucumteragus grows only in the Inner Bog Territories, near the pickled cubiwery groves

The cucumteragus is not a cucumber. It is also not a cucumber's memory. It is whatever grows when a cucumber is described, letter by letter, by something that has heard of vegetables but not met one. Serve it whole, with pickled cubiwery on the side and a small cloth for the emotions it will provoke. Pairs well with sozerfrapple — fermented or otherwise.

Rub the bog first. Always rub the bog first.

Necessary Glossary of Terms

Smorbs — A unit of measure equal to the amount that feels right at the time. Plural: smorbs. Singular: also smorbs.

Flup — A dry spice of no fixed origin. Interchangeable with bear spice in most traditions, though scholars dispute this warmly.

Spather / to spather — To apply a substance to a surface in a manner that is neither spreading nor patting but somewhere Leanwhile. Always done lightly at first, then in earnest.

Leanwhile — The season between seasons; also an adverb meaning "in the manner of something that has been waiting." He stirred the sozerfrapple leanwhile.

Crock up — To transfer a mixture to a crock, or to accept that things have gone sufficiently wrong that a crock is now the appropriate vessel.

The Bog — Where things finish. Not unpleasant. Required.

Compiled in the Orenge Gelatin Hourse during the long Leanwhile
by a method of consecutive letters, without malice or understanding.

What is not in this book does not need cooking.
What is in this book cannot be cooked.
Both are true. Neither matters. Behold onion.